Being single, I am approached by men, and occasionally women, and of course undergo the whole battery of questions, what do you do, where are you from and etc. And always, the first phone, or text conversation includes one of my dreaded questions...What do you look for in a guy? Now, why is it my most dreaded question. Either a. I am about to let this guy down gently once I include everything I am looking for, and if he's smart enough, he knows he does not fit in my description at all, or b. they wont or choose not to understand my "list." Trust me, I have a short list, however pretty effective. No, I am not looking for something generic like nice and/or funny. My list is pretty detailed and descriptive, as it should be with all you ladies. If you don't know what you want, then how are you ever going to find it? And no, its not as detailed as must be 5'10 and taller. Now, I am not going to judge any ladies, who are that particular, but I will let them know, one thing, its always good to step out of the box.
Either way continuing to the list...The issue of money is included. Now before you guys get emotional, let me break it down for you, and let you know why. Then feel free to judge.
REAL TALK SESSION BEGINS NOW...
When I meet a guy, no I do not ask him for his financial statements, bank accounts, and/or credit report. However, I am not going to act like its not important. And I am sure not going to feel horrible, when I do ask, (notice that I say when) as the relationship progress. I have a friend who is even forward and she walks away if a man doesn't even know what a portfolio is, and we are definitely not talking about the model photo portfolio. As a woman, and mind you, an independent woman, who has somewhat her priorities in perspective expect the same from a man.
But obviously this is situational. Why? Well lets begin, and evaluate what type of woman you are, and what you have to offer. This is always the hardest because, like in anything, to evaluate yourself and the circumstances, sometimes its not pretty. But we must do it, to not only know where we want to go, but what and how we need to improve to get there. Women, DO NOT expect a man, to be your savior. You as a woman are responsible of getting your life situated, before you can expect a partner to reciprocate. And that means make YOUR money, pay YOUR bills (ON TIME), have YOUR career and etc. Like my mother always says, birds of a feather flock together. So if you have your, s**t messed up, guess what, so are the men you will be attracting. And guess what ladies, men are not that dumb these days. Especially during a recession. They are not as quick to drop those dollars, to the women, who have nothing going on for themselves. (Now you get the gimme term, women who are always, gimme this, gimme that)
Women, you must have your goals, and priorities, either en route of achieving them, or real close to it. Honestly, would you be satisfied, if a guy makes only $13/hr? No? Then why is it okay for him to be satisfied of YOU making $13/hr?
No double standards here.
However, I do admit, that yes, we expect a little more from men. Especially financial. And I will not lie, I do too as well. Because at the end of the day, it goes on how I was raised. If you are going to have a man in your life, he better step up to the plate and provide. Two struggling people are NOT cute. For that, I rather struggle by myself.
Yes, its 2009, and we can brag about how we can do this and do that, and thank the Jamie Foxx, Neyo, and Destiny's Child's for glorifying our independence, but honestly, look at yourself in the mirror, and say its okay that I am taking care of my man financially. If you can do and say that, kudos to you. But nope, call me old school. I want a man, like Fab says, "Thats the way it suppose to be
A real dude supposed to help you out with the groceries." Now don't get me wrong, I am all with the, I will hold my man down, temporarily. But sometimes temporarily can be a long time for some. I want to have the CHOICE to be taken care of, notice the word choice. No, I don't need to be catered to, but I have the choice to be spoiled, if I choose to do so. Point blank, I want a man. And if you don't know what that entails, then thats another blog ladies.
What about, a man, who is not struggling but not successful yet? He is still working towards his goals, and has ambition? Like I said, everything is situational. Pretty much, depends on YOUR situation. I will use one of my friends as an example, she is 29 yrs old, and one semester to go in finishing her doctorate. Now, her and I are in different playing fields, partly because of age, experience, and mostly expectations. Now, her being 29 yrs old, she will most likely be dating someone, the maximum around 35 yrs old, maybe a tad older. To have someone still working on their career, is a HELL NO, for her. Because she simply responds, WTF have they been doing for the past 10 years? Good point, huh? Thats how I felt when she explained it. For me, I have yet to reach my desired success level, so for me to expect every man to cross my path to have it, well it will not be fair. And that goes back to my little reciprocation theory.
Still judging huh?
Well, let me give it to you this way then, women these days are selling themselves short. And they do not realize their own self worth. Once women, believe their OWN self worth and what they have to offer, others will follow the lead. Look at yourself in the mirror once again, and tell yourself you are not worth the finer things in life. Cannot do it, huh? Well, neither can I. And that's why money is on my list.
Of course, no need for disclaimers, money is not everything, trust, I know! However, the rest of what you deserve will come in the upcoming blogs.
Hope you enjoyed our Real Talk...
xOxO,
Jen
PS. Check out our Vlog on First Date Looks,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2OC9i68o0k.
From my perspective, money is the outcome, not the ultimate trait that I'm looking for. I'm 24 years old. I graduated from school at 21 years old and went straight into the work force making $50,000+ a year with only advancement to follow. I chose my career as a court reporter because I knew it would be interesting, flexible, and most of all, lucrative.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I met my fiance when I was working full-time and going to school full-time and making roughly $500 a week. When I met him, he had just come out of the Navy and was detailing cars at his dad's car dealership for roughly about the same salary as I was earning.
What attracted me to him, besides being *incredibly* attractive, was his ambition. From the first day I met him at Steve Madden selling him shoes (which, to me, he was just $$ another customer), he was telling me about his goals. He went to the police academy, graduated with honors, and is a great aid to the community today.
But during those days when we were both going to school, when I would stay over his one bedroom apartment - because he refused to bum off his parents - we would sleep on an air mattress until we could do better. In that scenario, I didn't mind at all, because I knew he was motivated and a go-getter and it would not last forever. I never moved in with him until I had established my career and knew that I could support myself and wasn't mooching or heavily depending on him. It's amazing looking back to see where we've come from and how much we've accomplished since those days.
Ambition is the real quality I think we're looking for; the desire to do big things with his life and to provide accordingly for the family - with the woman, of course, holding down her share.
In the converse, I have a friend who has a very successful career, but slacks off, parties too much and smokes pot every day. Is that the kind of money you want? I'm sure it's not. Another example: My friend is wildly in love with a man who spends his days in the lab working on cures for diseases and such, which actually does not bring in too much dough. Are you willing to trade in money for respectability?
I'll keep this short and simple. All you men out there...first you gotta get the money, after you get the money then you get the power AND after you get the power you get as many women as you want.
ReplyDelete