5 STAR BITCH

Hey guys!! I hope everyone is having a great week so far...and it is hump day, so the weekend is almost here!
Either way, leading into this week's topic...To be a bitch or not to be a bitch?? But before that heated discussion, you know I have to leave you with a song that relates to the topic.
Yo Gotti ft. Gucci Mane, Trina, and Nicki Minaj. Check it out here, and let me know what you think about their version of "bitch." By the way, this is the censored version guys!

Watch the 5 Star Bitch Video.

xOxO,
Jen

Coming up...All Things Bitchy!

So stay tuned for next week's theme...All Things Bitchy.
Next week's blog: women using and/or referring themselves as a bitch, is it degrading or a form of empowerment? Also, featuring a book review of "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. A definite recommendation. And on Friday, my first male guest writer of a male's point of view on the word and use of "bitch."
Stay tuned!!!

xOxO,
Jen

Playing on this Week's iPod...

So playing on this week's iPod...
I m not afraid to admit, that I am not too fond of reggae. Sorry guys. I just never really got into it, only the mainstream stuff. However, there is a song that I just heard, and immediately downloaded...and I love it! What do you think? Click here to hear Vybz Kartel ft Indu-Versatility.
The other two songs, are a surprise. Never been a huge fan of Dipset, but these songs are hot so far. Its Jim Jones ft. ATM, Fast Money and Juelz Santana ft. Chris Brown, Back to the Crib. Check out the links to listen to it. Can you tell that I live in NYC?

xOxO,
Jen

GQ for Women

So today, I went to my favorite store, and no it was not H&M, even though it does come up high in the list. I went to Barnes and Noble in Union Square. 4 levels, tons of places to sit, and great cafeteria. Either way, I went because I had a mission. The other day, I read some mens magazines, such as GQ and Details. And I fell in love! Why? Because they actually had real things to say, not the typical 300 ways to please your man. Do not misinterpret, I love the occasional Glamour and Cosmo. But don't you get sick of reading the typical sex and relationship advice. Well, I do! I read some great articles in GQ and Details. And one article was so great, it even led me to Barnes and Noble. In GQ, there was an excerpt of a recently new book, "Speechless: Tales of a White House Survivor," by Matt Latimer. Great read so far, and its only been my first day. I will not lie, I was caught in a difficult choice, when I did pass by the Relationship/Self Improvement aisle. As I glanced through the new books, I was tempted to purchase, I decided to stay with my Latimer book. I mean, its always great to be well rounded, as I stand by my quote, "Relationships are not the end all, be all." So, its refreshing to read something rather than sex, men, and relationships.
Another task I decided to take upon myself, I am brushing up on my French skills. I studied French for 5 years, and unfortunately, I am rusty, or lets be honest, I completely forgot. And its a shame, especially when knowing or learning a new language and culture is always beneficial. So my task, before the end of the year to improve my French.
So today, was a nourishment to my brain. Just like your body, your brain needs to be fed. When's the last time that you read a book outside of your "typical realm"? Or try to learn a new language? Don't wait to add it to your new years resolution, do it now!

xOxO,
Jen

Jump offs...Can women have them?

Jump offs. My favorite topic. Now this term has been coined to describe women...however I want to flip the script today. Can a woman have a jump off? 
Now, lets begin with the definition. According, to Urbandictionary (who knew there was such a thing, stuff you can find on google!), a jump off is "a casual sex partner." Want me to use it in a sentence? They have that as well (HAHA) "Someone that you F**K on occasion that you have no ties to. (Usually, one or both involved are married). Don't put any feelings into a jump off because you walk into it knowing that you can't get anything from it but a good F**K! If you catch feelings, you will get hurt!!" 
Talk about on point huh?
So I guess my real question is can women have casual sex, just like men? I think, why the hell not? Its 2009, isn't it. So, I decided to serve you up a dish today, called Jump off delight. So ladies, get your glass of wine ready, because you are about to be fed.
REAL TALK SESSION JUST OPENED...


Ingredient #1---2/3 of a an empowered woman.
You, the woman. You must have your mind right. What do I mean? The idea of a jump off is to have casual sex. There are no expectations involved, no hidden agenda or intentions. All the cards on the table, and expectations are verbally said. 
You should not look to get into a jump off relationship because you have insecurity issues that you need to deal with, you have feelings for this dude, you are trying to get over another dude.
Proper mind frame is a MUST! 
You must possess more than good looks, but attitude, personality, and have things going for yourself. (Just like I mentioned in the last blog...Is a guy's $$$$ a dealbreaker?) Continue and act, the way you will proceed into any other relationship. With dignity, and self-respect. I mean, yes, you know he's going to get it, and yes he may know too, but you still want to have fun in the chase. No need to start p-popping on a head stand after one text. Why not, may you ask? Keep reading.


Ingredient #2---1/4 of a man who likes you. 
A man, or a woman if you get down like that. Now they must fit under certain requirements. 
ABSOLUTELY NO EXES! Exes do not qualify as a jump off. There was once an emotional connection between both of you, and there is a chance that something and/or someone will rekindle it. (Remember, exes are only used, if you do not want to add another number to your list. And you know what list I am talking about here. They are just repeats...do overs.)
As a woman, you must only lust him. So, make sure this jump off is not what you will call your Mr. Right. Because more and likely you will begin to develop feelings for him. 
The most important requirement from your jump off, they MUST respect you and not just lust you. This is a tricky one. Now if the guy only lusts you, and has no interest in you at all, in regards to what you have to say, or do, then guess what, thats not your jump off, the script has been flipped, and you are HIS jump off now. I hope you read that line twice!
So, in short, this guy must like you. And going back to what I said earlier, you must charm him with all of you, and not just the physical you, and thats how you get the upper hand.


Ingredient #3---1/10 of the rules.
Must follow the standardized jump off rules with a few twists. 
1. No sleep overs. No exceptions to this one. This qualifies as too much time with the person. And with too much time, you will begin to develop feelings. You get in, and get out. If its happening at your house, make sure he leaves. And leaves nothing behind as well. 
2. Must be 50/50 when it comes to location. Women, DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT, deliver the goodies to his doorstep. Especially if he lives far! You must share the burden. So, one night your place, one night his. 
Now, there is another rule, but you can twist this, depends on your situation. Technically, jump offs do not take showers at your home. But this, you can use to your discretion, however, they cannot sleep over!
3. Checking in...This gets tricky as well. Are you supposed to check in with your jump off? Texts or calling. Now, my personal opinion, I would check in, but few. And most of my checking in, would be via text messages. This will eliminate long conversations, hence will prevent any real attachment or connection. However, you still want to check in, because this is sort of a "faux" relationship. 
4. Dates...This is also a tricky one. If both of you know the deal, and both of you have respect for one another, and women, if you played your cards correctly, you will be going out, but few times. Don't expect lavish meals at Morton's, unless your jump off is a sucker. (And suckers are no fun or attractive.)
Now if you do it the traditional way, chat time is usually discreet, and almost always in the am. And I am not talking about 9am...but 12 am. 
Another question, how often would you see your jump off? This depends. Just don't over do it, because like I always say, "Out of mind, out of sight." Its only natural to develop feelings for a person you are always around...so eliminate or prevent that from happening. 


Ingredient #4---Feelings NO PARTS. WARNING MISUSE: MAY CAUSE EMOTIONAL DAMAGE.
No feelings! Remember this. Even a pinch of this would destroy everything. You might as well throw the dish out, because its not edible! Once you develop feelings, then the entire mood shifts. 


There you have it, ingredients to a successful jump off. So, can women have jump offs? I don't see why not, if you play your cards correctly.


Hope you enjoyed!


xOxO, 
Jen
PS. And I hope I don't have to remind you, to have sex responsibly. Like I always say, "Kids, fine, you can explain kids. But herpes, how do you explain that?"
So ladies and men, if you are going to be promiscuous, make sure to use protection. No BS excuses about allergies or "you can't feel anything." Be responsible and respectful. 


Don't forget to check out our YouTube videos. 


Image courtesy of Liquidgrafix. Find more Liquidgrafix images at deviantArt.

You're Not My Girl

Just in case you have not heard the song, or got a chance to read the lyrics...
Below are the lyrics (courtesy of Metro Lyrics...Click Here)
Stay tuned for tonight's discussion.

I hear them talking cause they seen us around
Got them guessing about what's really going down
And if they find out that we do what we do
Girl I doubt if they'd believe it was true

So I'm thinking that we should just be good friends
If we continue this way we'll only just hurt each other
So I'm thinking that we should just be good friends
Go through the motions, so we don't blow the cover

You could call my phone, you could swing over my way
On your nights alone, you could come over my place
If he treats you wrong, let me give it to you my way
Just remember that you're not, you're not my girl

Indiscretion makes this love affair sweet
Without theses secrets it would feel so incomplete
So we should keep our quiet nights between us
So we'll retain our urgency when we touch

So I'm thinking that we should just be good friends
If we continue this way we'll only just hurt each other
So I'm thinking that we should just be good friends
Go through the motions, so we don't blow the cover

You could call my phone, you could swing over my way
On your nights alone, you could come over my place
If he treats you wrong, let me give it to you my way
Just remember that you're not, you're not my girl

Now you can rock to the rhythm of the beat now don't stop
And as long as you do yours I'll do my job
Cause I really like this good thing that we've got
So we'll just keep it a secret baby, you're not my girl

So I'm thinking that we should just be good friends
If we continue this way we'll only just hurt each other
So I'm thinking that we should just be good friends
Let's just keep it a secret baby, you're not my girl

You could call my phone, you could swing over my way
On your nights alone, you could come over my place
If he treats you wrong, let me give it to you my way
Just remember that you're not, you're not my girl

You could call my phone, you could swing over my way
All your nights alone, you could come over my place
If he treats you wrong, let me give it to you my way
Just remember that you're not, you're not my girl

xOxO,
Jen

Playing On This Week's iPod...

So every week, I want to share with you some songs on repeat on my iPod. Not that you guys care, but I swear, it does lead into a blog somewhere. 
So the first song is Ester Dean featuring Chris Brown--Drop It Low. Check out the video below. Looks like Chris Brown is attempting to make a comeback. What do you guys think? I like the styling as well in this video. 
Official Video of Ester Dean featuring Chris Brown

The next one is Snoop Dogg featuring The Dream--Gangsta Love. I am biased because I am infatuated with The Dream. But its a hot song, check it out below. 
Click here to listen to Snopp Dogg featuring the Dream

And my favorite song right now is Ryan Leslie's- You are not my girl. Now with this song, you must listen to the lyrics, because this actually leads to my next blog. And let me know, if you can be the type of girl he is actually singing about in this song. 
Official Video of Ryan Leslie's-You're not my girl


Enjoy! Til Tomorrow.
xOxO,
Jen

Is a guy's $$$$ a dealbreaker??

Gold diggers...groupies...freeloaders...sugar mammas and daddies, and my new coin term, gimmes. I think we all heard one of these terms before, and who knows, one of your friends probably fit this description. Either way, whatever your definition is, it all relates back to the same thing, money, dinero, bills, paper.
Being single, I am approached by men, and occasionally women, and of course undergo the whole battery of questions, what do you do, where are you from and etc. And always, the first phone, or text conversation includes one of my dreaded questions...What do you look for in a guy? Now, why is it my most dreaded question. Either a. I am about to let this guy down gently once I include everything I am looking for, and if he's smart enough, he knows he does not fit in my description at all, or b. they wont or choose not to understand my "list." Trust me, I have a short list, however pretty effective. No, I am not looking for something generic like nice and/or funny. My list is pretty detailed and descriptive, as it should be with all you ladies. If you don't know what you want, then how are you ever going to find it? And no, its not as detailed as must be 5'10 and taller. Now, I am not going to judge any ladies, who are that particular, but I will let them know, one thing, its always good to step out of the box. 
Either way continuing to the list...The issue of money is included. Now before you guys get emotional, let me break it down for you, and let you know why. Then feel free to judge. 
REAL TALK SESSION BEGINS NOW...
When I meet a guy, no I do not ask him for his financial statements, bank accounts, and/or credit report. However, I am not going to act like its not important. And I am sure not going to feel horrible, when I do ask, (notice that I say when) as the relationship progress. I have a friend who is even forward and she walks away if a man doesn't even know what a portfolio is, and we are definitely not talking about the model photo portfolio. As a woman, and mind you, an independent woman, who has somewhat her priorities in perspective expect the same from a man. 
But obviously this is situational. Why? Well lets begin, and evaluate what type of woman you are, and what you have to offer. This is always the hardest because, like in anything, to evaluate yourself and the circumstances, sometimes its not pretty. But we must do it, to not only know where we want to go, but what and how we need to improve to get there. Women, DO NOT expect a man, to be your savior. You as a woman are responsible of getting your life situated, before you can expect a partner to reciprocate. And that means make YOUR money, pay YOUR bills (ON TIME), have YOUR career and etc. Like my mother always says, birds of a feather flock together. So if you have your, s**t messed up, guess what, so are the men you will be attracting. And guess what ladies, men are not that dumb these days. Especially during a recession. They are not as quick to drop those dollars, to the women, who have nothing going on for themselves. (Now you get the gimme term, women who are always, gimme this, gimme that) 
Women, you must have your goals, and priorities, either en route of achieving them, or real close to it. Honestly, would you be satisfied, if a guy makes only $13/hr? No? Then why is it okay for him to be satisfied of YOU making $13/hr?
No double standards here. 
However, I do admit, that yes, we expect a little more from men. Especially financial. And I will not lie, I do too as well. Because at the end of the day, it goes on how I was raised. If you are going to have a man in your life, he better step up to the plate and provide. Two struggling people are NOT cute. For that, I rather struggle by myself. 
Yes, its 2009, and we can brag about how we can do this and do that, and thank the Jamie Foxx, Neyo, and Destiny's Child's for glorifying our independence, but honestly, look at yourself in the mirror, and say its okay that I am taking care of my man financially. If you can do and say that, kudos to you. But nope, call me old school. I want a man, like Fab says, "Thats the way it suppose to be 
A real dude supposed to help you out with the groceries." Now don't get me wrong, I am all with the, I will hold my man down, temporarily. But sometimes temporarily can be a long time for some. I want to have the CHOICE to be taken care of, notice the word choice. No, I don't need to be catered to, but I have the choice to be spoiled, if I choose to do so. Point blank, I want a man. And if you don't know what that entails, then thats another blog ladies. 
What about, a man, who is not struggling but not successful yet? He is still working towards his goals, and has ambition? Like I said, everything is situational. Pretty much, depends on YOUR situation. I will use one of my friends as an example, she is 29 yrs old, and one semester to go in finishing her doctorate. Now, her and I are in different playing fields, partly because of age, experience, and mostly expectations. Now, her being 29 yrs old, she will most likely be dating someone, the maximum around 35 yrs old, maybe a tad older. To have someone still working on their career, is a HELL NO, for her. Because she simply responds, WTF have they been doing for the past 10 years? Good point, huh? Thats how I felt when she explained it. For me, I have yet to reach my desired success level, so for me to expect every man to cross my path to have it, well it will not be fair. And that goes back to my little reciprocation theory.
Still judging huh?
Well, let me give it to you this way then, women these days are selling themselves short. And they do not realize their own self worth. Once women, believe their OWN self worth and what they have to offer, others will follow the lead. Look at yourself in the mirror once again, and tell yourself you are not worth the finer things in life. Cannot do it, huh? Well, neither can I. And that's why money is on my list.
Of course, no need for disclaimers, money is not everything, trust, I know! However, the rest of what you deserve will come in the upcoming blogs. 


Hope you enjoyed our Real Talk...


xOxO, 
Jen


PS. Check out our Vlog on First Date Looks,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2OC9i68o0k.

The Youth

Hey guys! Sorry for the delay in our real talk sessions, but we are back and in full force. However, I want to take a slight detour. I promise we will get back on track tomorrow.
Reason for this detour, I just read this interesting and depending how you view it, either disturbing or shocking article about our youth.
A Chicago school is reporting, that 1 in 7 of their students are either with or have a child. Mind you, all are under the age of 18 yrs old. I understand that there are statistics done yearly to report this, and unfortunately the percentage of our youth with children are increasing. So pretty much, babies are having babies...
Now there are many arguments back and forth, pro life and pro choice, blaming the media, parents and etc. This I will not go into, at least not for the second blog. But I did want to show this article, because its time that we, as a community become a little more in tune with our surroundings. With that being said, when was the last time you mentored anyone? When was the last time you volunteered other than accumulating hours for graduation?
There is a saying out there, that is easier to build children, than repair broken men or women.
Think about that.
Some food for thought :) Will be back tomorrow.

Read the article...http://cbs2chicago.com/local/Robeson.High.School.2.1251642.html

The Beginning

Everything has its beginning. From books, to songs, and life itself. Most importantly, every idea. And I want to welcome you to our beginning. The beginning and birth of BellaJames Blog. So Welcome and Enter.  

I want to take the time out, and introduce who and what is BellaJames Blog. So I will make sure to keep it short and simple, at least in the beginning. I don't want to overwhelm you with too much information. Just like a first date, I have to keep you guys wanting more. 

So who is BellaJames Blog?

BellaJames is a collaboration of two people, Cynthia, and myself Jennifer. We are two young women, in a big city, who decided to take everyone on our journey and to document our encounters. No, its not a diary, but more of a generalized view and our take on the world via experiences of ourselves and others. We decided to tackle this project head on via Video Blogs AKA Vlogs, and your old fashioned Blogs. So Cyn will take on the Vlog portion, with some special guest appearances with me, and others! On the other end, I will take on the Blog, and tackle on the hot topics. You can find that the site and videos will be updated daily. With what you may ask? Well keep reading!

So what is BellaJames Blog?

The BIG idea behind BellaJames Blog is more of a lifestyle guide for the modern young woman. On upcoming blogs, you will see I will address topics and ideas that are and should be important to us. And with your feedback, I hope to address issues regarding you too! Too many people, and unfortunately, young women are distracted looking at the smaller picture, so I want to help and hope to inspire on regaining focus and keeping the eyes on the prize. Whether the prize is to build stronger relationships, improving in the work force, making a new career move, servicing the community, or feeding your mind/soul. That's a lot, huh? Well, like Trump said, "As long as you're going to be thinking anyway, think Big."

But don't worry it won't only be about serious topics either. Here and there, we will throw in some music, fashion, and how to forums. Hey, those are important as well!


I hope you guys tune in daily, and contribute. Because your feedback is vital. So welcome, once again, and consider this a beginning of a new relationship. 


Now that we are done with the formalities, I hope you guys are ready for the Real Talk sessions. 


xOxO,
Jen


PS. Don't forget to look at our Youtube video. And add us on Face Book and Twitter.